You Know That You’re Toxic (Warning: Getting Personal)

So it’s almost 6 a.m. here in beautiful Connecticut, and I can’t sleep.  I have a long day ahead to be finished off with an EMT shift tonight.  I slept for a few hours, woke up, and can’t go back.

I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been dealing with cutting and ignoring some toxic relationships.  Yesterday I finally deleted several numbers of people off of my cell phone I never want to to speak to again.  Step one.  Next, finally speaking the truth to people who don’t want to hear it.  Step two.  Not done, need to figure step three next.

A couple of things prompted this: a friend of mine posted on Facebook about life being an echo and also on Facebook one of those adult e-cards going around.  Facebook may be a big time suck, but it’s a free therapy session some days.

The adult e-card was about how people treat you nasty and then are shocked when you turn around and do the same.  I’ve seen this happen several times in my life.  People read my kindness and silence for stupidity, I think I’ve talked about this before, and then when they get nasty and I turn around and do the same thing back to them, they act abhorred and shocked like they never expected for me to react that way.  In other words, it’s okay for them to be nasty but not for me.  Here’s my echo world: be nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.  Help me, and I will help you.  Yell at me after I’ve helped you, you’ll never hear from me again.  Slander me, I will speak the truth about you.  Screw with me, I will screw with you right back in my own way. The two biggest lessons I’ve learned, though, when doing this: go in for the defensive position first and take the high road at the same time.

Another big lesson I’ve learned is to keep the positive karma coming in your life.  Help people because you never know when you’re going to need their help.  Do good in this world.  Speak the truth because it will help you later when you need it the most.  Speaking the truth is sometimes very painful especially when you have to tell people what others have accused you of in a violent or brutal way.  I have done and will continue to do my share of civic duty and volunteer work and do the positive, good, and right things because I know in the end, even if the justice and court system fails over and over again as we’ve seen it do on more occasions than not, karma will come and rear its ugly head and bite those who speak ill of me in the buttocks. Even if the person isn’t my lovely convicted drug felon of a neighbor sending slanderous tales and lies about me via way of the neighborhood children, there are others out there who know who they are.  Karma’s a free bitch, baby.  I speak the truth.

I know right now I’m sending out signals of pain and I don’t want to anymore.  I’m not in pain, just hurt.  Hurt that people don’t want to see the truth in front of their eyes, hurt that a big co-dependency party is going on in my neighborhood, hurt that people won’t tell their children the truth, hurt that people will let their children be bullied by drug felons, hurt that people continue to aide and abet those who take from them, hurt that people excuse criminal behavior right in their midst, and hurt that people continue to slander even when they know it isn’t true and won’t bother to speak the truth.  We’ve had neighbors tell our drug felon what we are doing because he’s “a nice guy”, “misguided”, and “doesn’t know any better.”  He then in turn has taken it completely out of context and started yelling at us and last month blocked our front parking places because an “anonymous” neighbor, we know who, told him that we were taking pictures of his backyard when all we were doing is taking pictures of an overgrown bush we need to have desperately cut down.  The problem with the bush is that it borders the two properties and this will now mean a round of letters to various parties over a stupid bush and his family’s flotsam and jetsam that “accidentally” lands in our yard.

Here’s my echo: Please just leave me and my significant others in my life alone.  I’ve never done anything to or said anything nasty or slanderous to anybody in my neighborhood or in my life unless provoked.  We’ve been here nine years and always helped when we could and have appreciated others help when they were so inclined.  Our drug felon has turned neighbors against us and slandered us and continues to do so.  We are taking the high road and asks that this please stops.  We don’t care about what other people do, that’s your business.  We stay out of your business, you stay out of ours: it’s so easy to do. Please just let us live our lives.  Thank you.




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